I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
