just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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