do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
