I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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