What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just want to make out with him forever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
