If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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