He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
