after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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