I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
