I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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