So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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