Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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