Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
