Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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