end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
