Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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