I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
