Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
