So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
