True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
