Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
