and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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