i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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