I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
