Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
