I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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