I think i sorta joined a cult last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
