Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
