Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
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Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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