Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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