It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
