dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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