we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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