M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
