Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Congratulations! We have a period
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