eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
