false alarm. still invincible.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
