Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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