I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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