Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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