Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize