I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
