I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
