the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
