I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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