party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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