woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
