i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
40s are totally the cure
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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