So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
