I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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