I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
