I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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