She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
