I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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