Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's always time for handjobs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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