I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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