Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
