its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
