this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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