I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
