I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
