I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
