I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
