so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
