its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
