morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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