I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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