we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
