you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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