He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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