Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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