I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
