He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
