your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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